low and slow

process to change your life. low and slow. so they say.

right now I am working on what I am referring to as the four aspects:

the fairy- walk the dog every day
the heartbeat- no more "fast food"
the dreamer- brush teeth twice a day (and floss!)
the architect- take contacts out every night


all represent people I know and love, and each have me advice (at least once, indirectly), for making positive changes.

so far I have nailed down the dreamer's vision, and am at least 50% success on the architect. unfortunately fairy and heartbeat have remained elusive.

all this takes planning, which I believe to be the lynch-pin to success. still working on that too.
but here is to progress in the correct direction, whatever it looks like....

wowwiiiee wow wow

it has been a long time since I wrote on here!

I would like to say that I mean to keep up with blogging but I am not sure if that is even possible at this point.

But I am going to try, try again.

I like to write, need to write really, and I ought to be better at meeting my own needs.

So thus it begins....

are you freaking kidding me?

I get it. I'm not organized. I hate it too. But when you act like a jackass, it isn't a motivator. Yes, I know you were throwing a tantrum. Ironice since you haven't done anything for weeks (!) and since I lost that form that we need (although you even said that you weren't going to work on the stuff RIGHT NOW), you decide to act like that.

Thanks for your support. I will remember that when you don't feel like getting out of bed for something and you ask me to do it.

completely de-railed!

How is this even possible? I swear I try so hard to keep up with the blogging and constantly get derailed. It isn't that my life is so chaotic or busy, I guess it is a question of priorities. I need to move this up a bit higher and stupid time-wasting stuff a bit lower.

fear

sometimes I am amazed at what I am afraid of. I could understand if I was afraid of sharks (nope), snakes (uh-uh), or even ghosts (I might get startled by them, but not afraid of them).
But I am more afraid of unusual things than that. I am afraid of what people will think of me, often, and for no real reason. I am afraid of being judged by people who care about me most. I am afraid that my husband will leave me, without being given cause to think that it is even a possibility. Maybe it is a symptom of the depression, or some other broken part of my brain. It almost seems like the less rational the thought, the more likely my mind will cling to it. Weird, I know. Annoying, surely. Very real. I am going to have to figure out a way to get to the bottom of this one (a very real part of my life) and face it. Probably will have to face it many times, to make it go away.

For now I am content with naming it for what it is: an irrational fear based solely in my mind.

I don't have any money

but, I'm okay with that. I have no debt to speak of, really, just a car payment and a mortgage. I will be selling the car any day now, and the mortgage is not one of my bills to take care of. I do have to figure out a way to pay the electric company, but that's days away yet. Probably going to have to roll some change. That's okay. I will be fake broke for a few weeks and all will be back to normal. I have nothing to complain about.

I've been thinking

sure, I want to get into the habit of blogging, but I don't want to blog for the sake of blogging. I want to have something to say. So am I going about it the right way, expecting myself to do it for 30 days? Every day for 30 days does not sound like it is giving way to creativity. It sounds a bit more left brained, and analytical than that. How about I am going to blog 5 days a week, with Wednesday being a good, solid creative effort. I am going to try that for a few weeks and see how it turns out.

This past week was so horrible at work that I don't even want to think of it, let alone talk about it. But I have to name it to put it into perspective. When things get crazy-busy there is a tendency to lose that perspective, and to giganticize things. Being out of balance is not the worst thing ever. I know I neither stole money nor gave it away on purpose. So I am sure that I will find it. I need to rely more on the tools I am given and stop trying to do everything in my head. There is no reason to count the money out for people from my drawer if the dispenser can do it. When I get busy, I need to remember to let the dispenser do the heavy lifting. Otherwise it becomes this big hunk of junk that I have to walk around to get tubes four and five.

Okay I am the only person that this entry made sense to, but I am okay with that. :)